Friday, September 22, 2006

They simply cannot be parodied

Several years ago I wrote a parody for BrainstormNW Magazine that applied the arguments against abstinence-only sex education to drug education.

I argued, tongue in cheek, that we ought to teach kids how to use drugs safely, because they are going to do it anyway, even if we tell them not to. (This essentially is the argument the "safe sex" advocates use.)

I of course thought I was being absurd. Who would ever support teaching kids how to safely use drugs?

The Oregon Department of Education, that's who.

Hat tip to Daniel at the Daniel's Political Musings blog - the Oregon Department of Education has a very helpful FAQ on AIDS that tells kids where to buy needles and what is the proper concentration of bleach to use when cleaning shared needles.

Below is the parody I wrote back in 2000. I never imagined that they would actually do what I suggested.

Practice Safe Drug Use

In Oregon, schools are rightly required to have an AIDS curriculum in every grade K-12. But Oregon’s AIDS prevention efforts leave a gaping hole that risks the well being of our children.

Many Oregon districts, thankfully, have beat back the groups who insist the schools teach "abstinence only" sex education curriculum. Indeed, it is irresponsible to not teach kids about safe sexual practices, since a good percentage of them will almost certainly be sexually active, despite so-called "abstinence" training.

Denying kids access to good information and the tools to practice safe sex - birth control and disease prevention - will save many unwanted pregnancies -- and many cases of sexually transmitted disease.

This entails teaching kids about the emotional and health risks – as well as the pleasures – of sex. Schools rightly offer non-judgmental counseling for students considering becoming sexually active or considering an abortion, as well as frank classroom discussion about human sexuality and sexual practices. And yes, schools make available condoms.

Denying that kids will be sexually active, or pretending that abstinence-only education will prevent them from doing so, is a head-in-the-sand attempt by a small segment of society to impose its values on everyone else. It does so at the expense of unwanted children, and preventable disease. Ruined lives.

But these AIDS prevention efforts only go halfway. We know for a fact that the vast majority of AIDS infections come from two high risk behaviors, not just one: unprotected sex and shared-needle intravenous drug use.

Educators have shown the political toughness to ignore the "abstinence only" crowd and teach safe sex, but they cling slavishly to an "abstinence-only" (Just Say No!) drug education policy.

They do so at the tragic cost of the spread of preventable AIDS cases.

It is indisputable that a good percentage of kids will experiment with drugs, even with the school telling them to abstain. Pretending we can keep them from doing so is as much a head-in-the-sand approach with drugs as it is with sex.

Denying kids access to good information and the tools to use drugs as safely as possible will save lives, prevent future addictions, and minimize the spread of AIDS from needles.

Yes, as with sex education, this entails teaching kids about various drugs, appropriate dosages, and the effects, the risks –and the pleasures - involved with drug use. As with sex education the schools should offer non-judgmental counseling for students considering using drugs. There should be frank classroom discussion about drug use, and schools should distribute sterile needles for those students who choose to use intravenous drugs.

Why do school officials think they can dissuade kids from taking drugs but not from having sex? Perhaps they just lack the courage - or the intellectual honesty - to apply to drug education the same reasoning they apply to sex.

Or vice versa.


Anonymous said...

1) Unbeleiveable

2) Your parody is brilliant.

Daniel said...

Your parody is scary in it's accurate portrayal of liberal thinking. You have simply taken it to it's logical conclusion.

I would take it one step further though:

I think that government issued doses of drugs like heroin, meth, cocaine, etc should be distributed in the schools.

Unfortunately many students are victims of overdose and a government issued drug would gurantee purity and content thus saving the lives of the children who are our future.

If you oppose this idea you must hate children and want them to die.

Anonymous said...

Rob -
that is a great parody. It sounded almost reasonable. I'd bet plenty of liberals would read it and not even figure out that it was a parody!

In fact, maybe that is what the Oregon Department of Education did! The read it and thought "Hey! He's right! Let's do it!

Max said...

Yes, it's probably just a matter of time before public school "health" offices begin distribution of methamphetamine and heroin. They may not know how to read when they get out of school, but they'll know all about sex and drugs.

There's an upside to all of this, however: rather than wasting time and money teaching kids reading, writing, math, and science, schools can devote the resources to teaching them about sex and drugs. This will eliminate the "need" for illegal aliens to come here and "do the work Americans won't do".

The approach establishes parity between illegal aliens and the next generation of Americans.

Capitol 3 said...

Hello to all and this is exactly why we would homeschool our kids or send them to christian school not public school.
of course schools need to give Aides as a health course because look at what the public schools are promotiong Same sex tolerance in the school system
We think that Abstinence should be taught
and sex should be saved for Marriage.
Meth should also be stopped.

Capitol 3 said...

Hello We need to promote more groups like this
abstinence only" crowd and teach safe sex, but they cling slavishly to an "abstinence-only" (Just Say No!) drug education policy.
We think these are good groups and as long as chicago schools are promoting pornogrophy to same sex marriage and ect.. hello immorality it what brings on the meth problems in oregon
Don't you guys on Kxl and Jeff kropf preach the meth is a problem in oregon duh? it has got to be stopped until we have groups like this more
abstinence only" crowd and teach safe sex, but they cling slavishly to an "abstinence-only" (Just Say No!) drug education policy.

Capitol 3 said...

Hello Rob
Hello All:
This just in...
This should encourage you concerning change on the horizon.
Toll Road Ted has a black mark in his own party. (oopsie)
Can you believe that his rating is lower than the Governor that made the biggest disaster relief
goof up?
Wow! Lower rating than the Gov. of Louisiana (Hurricane Katrina)
Does this spell DOOM for the errant Ted? To coin a phrase from Max, TOAST!!!!
We hope that others will realize that they have been lulled to sleep by the master of sleepy.
We need change.

Dave Lister said...

I'm surprised clean syringe needles weren't included in the "childrens bill of rights".